Cybercommunities; Part Two

I took January off to convalesce, and it was a good idea. I'm recovering nicely, and even beginning to feel a bit restless--a good sign I think. Soon I will meander over to the gym to engage in swimming or some other such physical exertion and reestablish my formerly-daily workout regime.

However, inactivity doesn't set well with me, and television only offers so much distraction. Real Housewives of Atlanta will destroy your faith in the evolutionary progression of the human genome, and House marathons only run three days a week. Taking January off was a good idea but on impulse I did something else that probably wasn't: I revisited the Chat Room of my former Buddhist Forum.

Although I hadn't been there in over nine months, it was as though no time at all had rolled by; the same people, dynamics, interplays; no growth or progress as far as I could see. Of course, the big question was, had I grown during my abstinence from the Internet? Had I changed? Well, I was more aloof, absolutely uninterested in engaging in debate or discussion, impossible to bait. I completely ignored direct attempts to challenge me and lure me into debate. I actually used the 'Ignore' feature on a couple of people who were particularly pernicious.

Growth? No, more like whatever happens to a newborn when the umbilicus dries up and rots off. Or when a limb on a tree dies and falls off. Just....disconnected. A Zen guy would ask, "Yes, but are you the limb or the tree?" which is why I hate Zen.

My primary motive for dropping in on this lot was to relieve boredom and to amuse myself , and I did. It probably wasn't very nice of me, but I played mind games with the more obnoxious and egotistical of the Chatterers. Most of these people knew me for years, and you would think if I told them things completely out of character, or spun out contradictory stories, someone would call me on it. Nope. They accepted the most absurd inanities and debated the ridiculous points I invented on the fly as if they were the most profound philosophical syllogisms in creation. Why? I cannot fathom. Nothing better to do? A desire to hone intellectual skills amongst people who would never meet?

I knew why I was there: I'm sick and can't get out much. As soon as I'm better I'll do anything other than sit on a couch and talk to people via a typewriter. I'll go to the gym, walk in the park, breath (semi) fresh air--anything.

I would feel bad about playing with this lot except the people I selected for my especial attention were the most insufferable posers you can imagine. For some reason, I take great delight in fucking with people who take themselves too seriously. These so-called Buddhists pontificate about attaining heights of meditative calm, claim to be just a hair short of enlightenment, and yet in response to some joking around, one of these soporific gurus attacked me and--get this--mocked and made fun of my psychiatric disorder (for those of you who don't know, I am a Bipolar Type II). Don't worry, this didn't disturb me; in fact I laughed out loud-- but this douche-bag is always going on about how much compassion he oozes for the suffering masses. In one swoop he exposed himself for what he truly is: a phony and a hypocrite. Like a lot of these cyber-dwellers, a fictional creation every bit as much as Harry Potter and Ebeneezer Scrooge. Or me, for that matter. Never forget that I'm not real either.

And for goodness sake, banter and humor is completely lost; I had to explain --over and over--that I was being ironic and sarcastic, that what I said was a joke, I grew weary of saying I wasn't serious, that what I meant was...you get the picture: lots of self-importance, little wit.

Some might think this blog entry is mean and spiteful. And you're probably correct. But I don't feel well, I'm tired a lot, and if I expect better from Buddhists it's only because I've spent the last week listening to them claim better about themselves. But believe me, I didn't let anyone off the hook. I was not nice. In fact, I was a bit acerbic. I suppose I wanted everyone to dislike me a little so they wouldn't really miss me when I'm gone. But I don't think anyone there will be astute enough to pick up on that. They'll just think my 'psychological issues' are acting up again. Pah. Buddhists. Kiss my ass.

It was my own fault. There's no-one to blame but myself. I had weaned myself from the Internet and in a moment of weakness and boredom decided to see what was happening amongst the Cyber-Buddhists. It was a mistake. Nothing is happening. Nothing at all.

But maybe that's the idea and I just don't get it.