Life Without Meds: Better?

For a number of years, probably more than a decade, I was on a couple of meds for my bipolar condition. These meds were also supposed to subdue my compulsive behaviors and improve my impulse control.

Did they work? Yes--or something did. However, there were side effects. The most prominent one, it turned out, was that many, many people experienced hair loss from taking one of the two meds I was prescribed. As it turned out, so did I. Male pattern baldness doesn't run on either side of my family, yet I have a shining bald spot leering at the word from the apex of my dome.

So I decided to wean myself from the meds, one at a time, slowly. I found my view of the world became clearer; in other words I could perceive with much greater intensity all the aspects of this crappy world I hate. I also found I didn't agonize over purchases, I just made them. Amazon's stocks rose 10% during this med-free period.

The one aspect of my impulse control I couldn't grasp has involved food. At one time, during the medicated period, I dropped down to 195 pounds. My weight has increased by about 25 pounds since I moved to Indiana and got married. I turn to food for comfort and self-reward, you see.

Of course I was sick all last year and couldn't breathe, so this has to be factored into the equation. yet 25 pounds is a significant weight gain, and as the saying goes it's a lot easier to put on than take off. I've been working out again, about 3-4 days a week, with my doc's approval. He said to do aerobics to improve my lung function. So I do; 45-55 minutes on a variable treadmill, which takes my up and down hills at a speed (so far) of 3 miles per hour. I intend to increase both speed and intensity over time.

Yet this exercise isn't going to accomplish much if I can't control my snack-attacks. I've reached the conclusion that without help, I cannot. I've always been obsessive-compulsive. I don't know what it's like not to be. Anything which is pleasurable and mood-altering becomes the seed of compulsive behavior. I admit it, I'm afraid I do need those meds to help control my compulsive eating habits.

Wonder how I'll look completely bald? Guess I'll find out.

Ah me. I thought I could fix myself but apparently I cannot.