Men Eviscerated by CNN Feminists

Since I'll be running in circles for a while working on my independent Joplin / Rainbow studies and current Alfred lessons, I thought it might be time for another rant. This morning wife was watching CNN. Some woman was on explaining how a man's income was a clue to his likelihood to cheat. I was tinkling on my piano, one ear listening to this to pick up some clues to men's aberrant behavior.

So what did I learn? well, guys: Basically, we;re screwed. Not since the days of Sally Jessy Raphael have men been so broadly indicted. Actuality, not since the immortal eagle gnawed out Prometheus' liver has man been so thoroughly eviscerated. First, she said men who relied on their wife's or girlfriend's income were most likely to cheat because men have such fragile egos they have to assert their male power somehow, and if they can't do it with money, they do it with sexual conquest. After rhapsodizing on this theme for a while, it turns out even men who make a lot of money--successful men, CEOs and corporate giants--cheat too--because behind that strong, confident exterior cowers a frightened insecure child. You see, even though they have power, money,and success, they nonetheless have to comfort their fragile male egos through--you guessed it: sexual conquest.

What about ordinary Joes, guys in the midrange? well, they're liable to cheat too because they need to assert...I can't go on. Just suffice it to say we're all emotional cripples who have no inner core and have to assert our weak male egos through sexual conquest. Because guys, you see without women, we're nothing. We have nothing to live for.

Here's the thing: In the history of male/female relationships, you would think no woman has ever cheated on a man to bolster HER fragile female self-esteem. And what about the diet / cosmetic / fashion industries? Exactly what female propensities are they exploiting? EH? Hah?

I always speak here on this blog with total self-honesty. I have been married well, more than once and have had several serious relationships. And I have been cheated on. More than once, actually. But I have never cheated on any of my partners. Not once. Not even in the Bill Clinton sense. Apparently, managing even one relationship seems to tax my feeble organizational skills. Two or more? Fuggeddabouddit.

Back in the bad old days of daytime talk shows (do those days still exist?) It was a weekly topic: TEN SIGNS YOUR MAN IS CHEATING ON YOU. I swear, one of these was "If he takes a shower more often than usual." Another was "If he starts an exercise program." So if a guy starts having chest pains and his doc says, "Hey fatso--you'd better start exercising or you'll be pushing up daisies before you're fifty," and he starts hitting the gym, his wife thinks he has a chippie stashed somewhere on the East Side. Nor does the poor fellow even have a clue why he's in hot water, since women never tell what's really on their minds. We;re just supposed to know through some magical blend of telepathy and Holmesian deduction. He just comes home, his woman scans him like an airport security device, detects SIGNS Number 2, 4 and 9, and renders The Verdict: CHEAT.

Thanks Oprah.

Man I hate TV. Read more comic books people.

Bwhahahhahhaaa!